Head Conversations

I’m always amazed at how easy it is for my subconscious to go a bit wild and convince me of things. A thought, an idea planted beneath becomes an obsession deeply rooted. It’s like watching a really stupid horror movie that’s laughable because you know that if they *really* wanted to get away from all of those scary apparitions, all they had to do was walk away from the freaking mirrors and never go back to that house. Yet then you find yourself having dreams of strangers that broke into your house, and when you wake up you’re convinced it really happened and you’re not alone in your home. And cats don’t make good guard dogs.

I’m awake at this moment because of this. Yeah, it’s only 8:30, but after a weekend of doing nothing but errands, I was tired out by 7pm and decided to drop myself into bed early. My mind didn’t agree unfortunately. I think I came up with every bad scenario possible for various situations, had a million made up conversations in my head, and after getting my half awake self worked up starting to think it was all true, I decided I needed to get up and eat Qdoba. Best way to fix a made up problem.

How is it so easy to let our subconscious run so wild? Maybe because we want to get ourselves to believe something, get us psyched up so it’s easier to deal with situations if we’ve already talked through the worst case we can imagine. And because I'm a notorious planner that has a horrible habit of thinking something out in it's entirety before it happens, my mind seems to take this to the extreme. I’m not sure I ever talked myself through passing out in front of a recruiter or throwing up on the guy I liked though. My subconscious was a little behind on that boat.

I’ll admit, it has helped me work up the nerve to get through certain situations that scared the bejebus out of me. Or gotten me ready to have hard conversations that I wanted to avoid (ok, so maybe some of them I still avoided regardless…). But currently, I would be preferring sleep. I’m pretty sure Waffles would too, the way he’s giving me angry groggy eyes for turning on the light without warning him. Loki just wants to play fetch with the Reeses I snuck (does it count as sneaking when no one else is around or cares? Well, I was trying to sneak it without Loki noticing, but nay I say…). So hopefully spending time writing this down (for the first time in a long time… 1 down, 3 to go for the month!) means it’ll shut up and I can sleep in peace.

See you at the aftermath, peace...but not literally...