NaNoFail

So I effectively failed my non-existent November writing month goal. Even challenging myself and committing to writing four blog posts proved to be too much for my little uncreative mind. In part because I did not take time to sit down and think up ideas and actually get something written out. And in part because oftentimes the things that I consider writing about or are on my mind are things I don’t care to share with the unfaithful mistress that is the internet. Plus, I never stop to consider that maybe someone would find it mildly entertaining that there are times when I sit around in a room and consider what I would do if a ceiling tile were to fall on me or that I have an elaborate plan of what I would do in case someone broke into my apartment to steal me that is so much better than that of the silly girls in Taken. Seems a little crazy to me to be sharing with others.

Anyway, its end/beginning of month, which is always crazy at work, amplified when you have full days of training. They’re trying to convince me I’m a leader and therefore need to go through training on how to better equip my employees and convince them of all the happy corporate mumbo jumbo that they’ve tried to infiltrate my mind with. Unfortunately for them, my mind is so full of all of the things I have yet to finish at work, I shan’t have room for corporate silliness. This was just an excuse for a quick break… now I must run and finish to-do lists. And maybe try to talk Loki into giving me a back massage.

Head Conversations

I’m always amazed at how easy it is for my subconscious to go a bit wild and convince me of things. A thought, an idea planted beneath becomes an obsession deeply rooted. It’s like watching a really stupid horror movie that’s laughable because you know that if they *really* wanted to get away from all of those scary apparitions, all they had to do was walk away from the freaking mirrors and never go back to that house. Yet then you find yourself having dreams of strangers that broke into your house, and when you wake up you’re convinced it really happened and you’re not alone in your home. And cats don’t make good guard dogs.

I’m awake at this moment because of this. Yeah, it’s only 8:30, but after a weekend of doing nothing but errands, I was tired out by 7pm and decided to drop myself into bed early. My mind didn’t agree unfortunately. I think I came up with every bad scenario possible for various situations, had a million made up conversations in my head, and after getting my half awake self worked up starting to think it was all true, I decided I needed to get up and eat Qdoba. Best way to fix a made up problem.

How is it so easy to let our subconscious run so wild? Maybe because we want to get ourselves to believe something, get us psyched up so it’s easier to deal with situations if we’ve already talked through the worst case we can imagine. And because I'm a notorious planner that has a horrible habit of thinking something out in it's entirety before it happens, my mind seems to take this to the extreme. I’m not sure I ever talked myself through passing out in front of a recruiter or throwing up on the guy I liked though. My subconscious was a little behind on that boat.

I’ll admit, it has helped me work up the nerve to get through certain situations that scared the bejebus out of me. Or gotten me ready to have hard conversations that I wanted to avoid (ok, so maybe some of them I still avoided regardless…). But currently, I would be preferring sleep. I’m pretty sure Waffles would too, the way he’s giving me angry groggy eyes for turning on the light without warning him. Loki just wants to play fetch with the Reeses I snuck (does it count as sneaking when no one else is around or cares? Well, I was trying to sneak it without Loki noticing, but nay I say…). So hopefully spending time writing this down (for the first time in a long time… 1 down, 3 to go for the month!) means it’ll shut up and I can sleep in peace.

See you at the aftermath, peace...but not literally...