Saturday, February 28, 2009
PJ Day No More
Pajama Day has already been ruined, just an hour into it! But for good reason... Jon Day called because he's in town, so a bunch of us are going out to see a movie. Friends are a good enough excuse to ditch P.J.D. and join the real world =)
PJ Day
Minus the fact that I had to throw in clothes for a random dash to Walmart to pick up cat litter and other supplies this morning, I have deemed today Pajama Day! I plan to be very productive, but this plan includes nice comfy pjs in the warmth of my own house today. If Andrew Liveris can declare random Safety Days without any notice, I can certainly declare Pajama Day!
Friday, February 27, 2009
The City of Angels
Now that it is Friday, I'll post about last weekend =) Last weekend, I went out to L.A. to help my best friend Sarah with wedding planning details. Besides the awful mess of trying to get out there Thursday night when the plane had mechanical problems just as we were about to take off, forcing us to rearrange flights and leave Friday, it was a very good trip (and, in truth, that might have actually made it an even better trip since it meant no mechanical problems after we took off!).
It was a very productive weekend; we found her wedding dress, picked out bridesmaid dresses, picked out flowers and colors, went to food tastings for the lunch, and picked out invitations. Oh, and I finally got to meet her fiance! It was weird considering I went through all of her previous relationships with her since we were always together through college, and I knew each guy very well. And now she's been dating this guy for a year, she's getting ready to meet The One, and although I've heard so much about him, I hadn't even met the guy yet! Even my family got the opportunity to meet him a year ago when he came with Sarah out to Colorado... Nevertheless, I know he's a fantastic guy, and I fully trust Sarah's judgment.
Their relationship in one weekend actually became a huge example to me. It's funny because Sarah has always been an example to me, she has always been one step ahead of me, and I very strongly look up to her as a Christian example, even if she's learning just as much as I am. I'm really impressed with the relationship she has with Richard, how God-centered it is, and how He is what they both strive for, and that is what has brought them together. I asked Richard why he fell for her, and his answer was that she has such an inviting beauty, that she opens herself up in the right ways and calls him to be a great man of God.
She was telling me about their premarital counseling and whatnot, and she told me about one of their struggles that she learned a lot from. She's a very strong woman needless to say. She has no quams about taking charge in things, especially if she feels like something needs to change. The example she presented me was the fact that they were both going to a church that after a while they were becoming very unsatisfied with. They made a commitment to their pastor that they would stay and support it while he was on a two month mission trip because he had been holding things together and building it up, and he had a feeling that it would fall if people began abandoning it while he was gone. After about a month, Sarah was tired of it and wanted to find another church. She kept pushing Richard to begin looking, but Richard needed time to think it through. She said that one Sunday morning at church, she gave Richard an ultimatum, and wrote down on a piece of paper that the following weekend, she was going to a different church, and he could choose to stay or go with her. She and Richard talked about this later, and they talked to their pastor and another close friend, and what came out of it was that in the relationship, the man is supposed to be the leader. Yes, the woman has a great say in the matter, but it is ultimately the man's decision. The woman, in submission to the man, follows his lead, just as the Bible tells us. Richard needed time to think things through and make the best decision he could, and Sarah needed to give him that time and allow him to lead her. I know I'm not explaining this in the depth that they told me the story, and there was a lot more discussion, but I was really struck by how here and in other instances over the weekend, they really strived to bring everything back to God and what His word says. I learned an amazing amount from them just in a couple of days. It makes me long for a relationship like that, but it also showed me that it is very real, that relationships like that aren't lost nowadays, and that I really need to remember patience better if I'm to let God lead me to what He has planned for me. And to focus only on Him and stop worrying about what people think around me.
I heard the best quote a while ago, it seems very fitting for my random Sarah and Richard relationship rant, and a good way to end this post:
"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."
It was a very productive weekend; we found her wedding dress, picked out bridesmaid dresses, picked out flowers and colors, went to food tastings for the lunch, and picked out invitations. Oh, and I finally got to meet her fiance! It was weird considering I went through all of her previous relationships with her since we were always together through college, and I knew each guy very well. And now she's been dating this guy for a year, she's getting ready to meet The One, and although I've heard so much about him, I hadn't even met the guy yet! Even my family got the opportunity to meet him a year ago when he came with Sarah out to Colorado... Nevertheless, I know he's a fantastic guy, and I fully trust Sarah's judgment.
Their relationship in one weekend actually became a huge example to me. It's funny because Sarah has always been an example to me, she has always been one step ahead of me, and I very strongly look up to her as a Christian example, even if she's learning just as much as I am. I'm really impressed with the relationship she has with Richard, how God-centered it is, and how He is what they both strive for, and that is what has brought them together. I asked Richard why he fell for her, and his answer was that she has such an inviting beauty, that she opens herself up in the right ways and calls him to be a great man of God.
She was telling me about their premarital counseling and whatnot, and she told me about one of their struggles that she learned a lot from. She's a very strong woman needless to say. She has no quams about taking charge in things, especially if she feels like something needs to change. The example she presented me was the fact that they were both going to a church that after a while they were becoming very unsatisfied with. They made a commitment to their pastor that they would stay and support it while he was on a two month mission trip because he had been holding things together and building it up, and he had a feeling that it would fall if people began abandoning it while he was gone. After about a month, Sarah was tired of it and wanted to find another church. She kept pushing Richard to begin looking, but Richard needed time to think it through. She said that one Sunday morning at church, she gave Richard an ultimatum, and wrote down on a piece of paper that the following weekend, she was going to a different church, and he could choose to stay or go with her. She and Richard talked about this later, and they talked to their pastor and another close friend, and what came out of it was that in the relationship, the man is supposed to be the leader. Yes, the woman has a great say in the matter, but it is ultimately the man's decision. The woman, in submission to the man, follows his lead, just as the Bible tells us. Richard needed time to think things through and make the best decision he could, and Sarah needed to give him that time and allow him to lead her. I know I'm not explaining this in the depth that they told me the story, and there was a lot more discussion, but I was really struck by how here and in other instances over the weekend, they really strived to bring everything back to God and what His word says. I learned an amazing amount from them just in a couple of days. It makes me long for a relationship like that, but it also showed me that it is very real, that relationships like that aren't lost nowadays, and that I really need to remember patience better if I'm to let God lead me to what He has planned for me. And to focus only on Him and stop worrying about what people think around me.
I heard the best quote a while ago, it seems very fitting for my random Sarah and Richard relationship rant, and a good way to end this post:
"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Chasing the Wrong Thing
I love and hate when you come to realizations that are obvious, that you preach to others, and yet something has to hit you over the head pretty hard or you have to make mistakes yourself to see it. I hate making mistakes, I hate knowing that I'm weak and can't do things on my own. But I do love the lessons that God gives me in them, and how He teaches me that I am strong in Him, never in myself. I only hope that as I grow, I learn fewer of my lessons through mistakes made by my own stubborn will.
Having said that, I've been letting myself get distracted from God as of late. I realized this when I was studying recently and realized that I haven't sat down to do that in a while. I know why. I've let myself be sweettalked into distraction, and even if it wasn't completely conscious, I didn't even fight it. I lost my focus and let my guard down. Stupid stupid. I had such a desire to help at a time when someone else is making the worst decisions and has completely lost their own focus, that I allowed myself to be distracted too. And I got hurt by it, by the lies and the truth, because I had expected more from someone who is just as fallen as I am. I realize I'm being very cryptic, but there are personal details that are not my own that I can't disclose, stories that I'm not a part of, only know about. I can't say that I'm over this bump, but I'm being concious about this. I prayed last night before going out. I kept verses in my head so that my focus stayed with God through the night. And it worked; I was so much stronger, I didn't struggle or fall for words that had previously gotten to me. I need to work harder on this, I need to give God control and let Him lead me rather than be led away. And I know I'll struggle with it, I know I'm having trouble being weak and letting myself be sweet talked with words that mean nothing. But knowing is half the battle, right? Now I just need to keep all focus in God, knowing that He has better days and better plans for me than what I can make for myself.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -1 Cor 10:12-13
Having said that, I've been letting myself get distracted from God as of late. I realized this when I was studying recently and realized that I haven't sat down to do that in a while. I know why. I've let myself be sweettalked into distraction, and even if it wasn't completely conscious, I didn't even fight it. I lost my focus and let my guard down. Stupid stupid. I had such a desire to help at a time when someone else is making the worst decisions and has completely lost their own focus, that I allowed myself to be distracted too. And I got hurt by it, by the lies and the truth, because I had expected more from someone who is just as fallen as I am. I realize I'm being very cryptic, but there are personal details that are not my own that I can't disclose, stories that I'm not a part of, only know about. I can't say that I'm over this bump, but I'm being concious about this. I prayed last night before going out. I kept verses in my head so that my focus stayed with God through the night. And it worked; I was so much stronger, I didn't struggle or fall for words that had previously gotten to me. I need to work harder on this, I need to give God control and let Him lead me rather than be led away. And I know I'll struggle with it, I know I'm having trouble being weak and letting myself be sweet talked with words that mean nothing. But knowing is half the battle, right? Now I just need to keep all focus in God, knowing that He has better days and better plans for me than what I can make for myself.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -1 Cor 10:12-13
Monday, February 9, 2009
Michigan Tech
I had a fabulous weekend this weekend. And not just because I wore my roomie pants. My friends and I went up to Michigan Tech for the weekend for their annual Winter Carnival. My four friends all went to Mich Tech (well, 3 of the 4 did...Kat is married to Ryan and was there for almost all 4 years anyway). We packed all 5 of us into Ryan and Kat's SUV and made the 8 hour trek to Houghton. This was my first time in the U.P., as well as over the famous Mackinac Bridge, so it was a treat for me, even in the dead of winter when everything was covered in layers of snow. It made me really want to go back in the summer/fall when I'm sure the entire area is breathtaking, since it was quite beautiful in the middle of winter. But then again, I love winter as long as each day is not a subzero temperature (which it was not this weekend, thank God!)
We then packed ourselves all into one hotel room, which put me on an air mattress by the window. I was very happy that I brought a sleeping bag and comforter because there was absolutely no other place to put the air mattress, and being by the window meant I was a lot colder than everyone else, who tended to sleep with the covers half off because they were decently warm. We did well though coordinating the single bathroom, I was pretty proud of us.
They gave me a tour of campus and reminisced about their college glory days, which made me long to go back to Golden and walk through my old Chem E building and such. It was neat to see a school that was so similar to mine, which is pretty unique since we have the small nerdy engineering schools. Their Winter Carnival included some really impressive ice sculpture competitions, broomball tournaments, and some other random student activities that we as old people did not go to. We did have the opportunity to go to one of the Mich Tech hockey games though, and the team they played was none other than Colorado College! They're the only pretty decent team we have in Colorado as far as college hockey goes, and since they're based in Colorado Springs, I've grown up hearing about them. It was pretty cool that they were in town. It also meant that I ruited for them, which no one around me liked... Good thing the game was a tie in the end. However, Mich Tech beat them the next day pretty hard.
Right after the hockey game as we're walking out, there were people yelling something about a free concert. I stop and look at one of the posters and see that it is Seventh Day Slumber and The Afters, two Christian bands that I've heard quite a bit on the radio. I get excited and tell Kat, who I know also listens to Christian rock, and she got more excited than I did. Which was good, because none of the others cared, and when I started feeling guilty about going, and she talked to Ryan and said she really wanted to stay and they should go on without us and pick us up later. It worked out perfectly, Kat and I enjoyed the entire concert together, and the others did their own thing and picked us up at the end. I also got a child to sponsor while I was there because The Afters heavily support Compassion International, and since I've been wanting to do the sponsor thing for a while, I figured no better time than now. I later found out Compassion International is based in Co. Springs, which makes it even cooler! Apparently I never realized how freakishly awesome my hometown is because I hear about it constantly out here in Michigan, which seems a bit odd to me. I digress.
We also hung out with a bunch of their old friends that were back for Carnival or are still in grad school. It was nice to be meeting new people and be in a new atmosphere for a change, very refreshing. Mandy and Jon also took the opportunity to try to play matchmaker for me and one of Jon's friends. First of all, let me state that I do not like Matchmaker. In fact, as soon as someone tries to do that, it makes me instantly want to run away. Bad bad! However, to give them some credit, he was a pretty great guy and strong Christian. In fact, he was pretty much everything I've been thinking lately would be the perfect guy. It was pretty obvious he is strong in his faith, he is super active and does a million different outdoor activities, he's a geophysicist currently going for his masters, and he is well traveled, partly because companies all over the globe have him come do work for them. He just got back from Guatemala last month and is headed to Alaska soon. He is the quintessential perfect guy as far as my definition has been shaped lately. And he was definitely interested, that was obvious. However, the problem, which is always a big problem when it comes to this stuff, was that I was not interested. I've been questioning why I wasn't interested though. My reasons are basically that he is a quite shy guy that is not flirtatious, and because he looks young, like he's still in high school. I just wonder if I'm not being vain or just looking for the things that I've liked in the past, which tends to be the louder guys that are very social. I've decided it doesn't actually matter right now since Houghton is 8 hours away, and we can be pen pals. If it's something God has in store for me, then I can only pray that he opens my eyes. Or maybe it was just Him telling me that just because I have the perfect guy made up in my mind doesn't mean that's what he has in store for me and that's not really what I actually want. He does know me better than anyone, including myself.
At any rate, after another long car trip back, I made it home and basically passed out last night. It was a very refreshing weekend though, and I truly appreciated the opportunity to get out for a few days. I feel much more ready to take things on here again, and at least for now feel a lot less anxious. Jeff and I are on somewhat talking terms again too...not talking that much, but we've reconciled and both agree that as long as we keep good boundaries as friends, then we shouldn't need silly games. We'll see what happens with that, but it has at least put me at rest that I can communicate with him if need be without feeling like it's an awkward mess. Our friendship may not be the same anymore, but I have to understand that and not let that get to me. I'm just thankful that we're at least being civil.
And that was my weekend in a huge nutshell. It might have to be a coconut shell to hold all of my thoughts...maybe I need to take lessons on condensed blog post writing because I have clearly been failing in the keep it short and sweet category on this blog! So if you've made it this far, kudos my faithful reader. And better luck next time =)
We then packed ourselves all into one hotel room, which put me on an air mattress by the window. I was very happy that I brought a sleeping bag and comforter because there was absolutely no other place to put the air mattress, and being by the window meant I was a lot colder than everyone else, who tended to sleep with the covers half off because they were decently warm. We did well though coordinating the single bathroom, I was pretty proud of us.
They gave me a tour of campus and reminisced about their college glory days, which made me long to go back to Golden and walk through my old Chem E building and such. It was neat to see a school that was so similar to mine, which is pretty unique since we have the small nerdy engineering schools. Their Winter Carnival included some really impressive ice sculpture competitions, broomball tournaments, and some other random student activities that we as old people did not go to. We did have the opportunity to go to one of the Mich Tech hockey games though, and the team they played was none other than Colorado College! They're the only pretty decent team we have in Colorado as far as college hockey goes, and since they're based in Colorado Springs, I've grown up hearing about them. It was pretty cool that they were in town. It also meant that I ruited for them, which no one around me liked... Good thing the game was a tie in the end. However, Mich Tech beat them the next day pretty hard.
Right after the hockey game as we're walking out, there were people yelling something about a free concert. I stop and look at one of the posters and see that it is Seventh Day Slumber and The Afters, two Christian bands that I've heard quite a bit on the radio. I get excited and tell Kat, who I know also listens to Christian rock, and she got more excited than I did. Which was good, because none of the others cared, and when I started feeling guilty about going, and she talked to Ryan and said she really wanted to stay and they should go on without us and pick us up later. It worked out perfectly, Kat and I enjoyed the entire concert together, and the others did their own thing and picked us up at the end. I also got a child to sponsor while I was there because The Afters heavily support Compassion International, and since I've been wanting to do the sponsor thing for a while, I figured no better time than now. I later found out Compassion International is based in Co. Springs, which makes it even cooler! Apparently I never realized how freakishly awesome my hometown is because I hear about it constantly out here in Michigan, which seems a bit odd to me. I digress.
We also hung out with a bunch of their old friends that were back for Carnival or are still in grad school. It was nice to be meeting new people and be in a new atmosphere for a change, very refreshing. Mandy and Jon also took the opportunity to try to play matchmaker for me and one of Jon's friends. First of all, let me state that I do not like Matchmaker. In fact, as soon as someone tries to do that, it makes me instantly want to run away. Bad bad! However, to give them some credit, he was a pretty great guy and strong Christian. In fact, he was pretty much everything I've been thinking lately would be the perfect guy. It was pretty obvious he is strong in his faith, he is super active and does a million different outdoor activities, he's a geophysicist currently going for his masters, and he is well traveled, partly because companies all over the globe have him come do work for them. He just got back from Guatemala last month and is headed to Alaska soon. He is the quintessential perfect guy as far as my definition has been shaped lately. And he was definitely interested, that was obvious. However, the problem, which is always a big problem when it comes to this stuff, was that I was not interested. I've been questioning why I wasn't interested though. My reasons are basically that he is a quite shy guy that is not flirtatious, and because he looks young, like he's still in high school. I just wonder if I'm not being vain or just looking for the things that I've liked in the past, which tends to be the louder guys that are very social. I've decided it doesn't actually matter right now since Houghton is 8 hours away, and we can be pen pals. If it's something God has in store for me, then I can only pray that he opens my eyes. Or maybe it was just Him telling me that just because I have the perfect guy made up in my mind doesn't mean that's what he has in store for me and that's not really what I actually want. He does know me better than anyone, including myself.
At any rate, after another long car trip back, I made it home and basically passed out last night. It was a very refreshing weekend though, and I truly appreciated the opportunity to get out for a few days. I feel much more ready to take things on here again, and at least for now feel a lot less anxious. Jeff and I are on somewhat talking terms again too...not talking that much, but we've reconciled and both agree that as long as we keep good boundaries as friends, then we shouldn't need silly games. We'll see what happens with that, but it has at least put me at rest that I can communicate with him if need be without feeling like it's an awkward mess. Our friendship may not be the same anymore, but I have to understand that and not let that get to me. I'm just thankful that we're at least being civil.
And that was my weekend in a huge nutshell. It might have to be a coconut shell to hold all of my thoughts...maybe I need to take lessons on condensed blog post writing because I have clearly been failing in the keep it short and sweet category on this blog! So if you've made it this far, kudos my faithful reader. And better luck next time =)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
My Own Personal Rut
I don't intend to make this my own personal whine space...though I will for this to collect my thoughts. Somehow in the last couple of months, I've fallen into a rut. A deep rut, perhaps even a hole since I haven't been able to dig myself out yet. I feel like I've taken several steps back, or more like I have started a downward spiral in the opposite direction of where I had been going, that the wonderful life that I had moved to has regressed back to what I watched my friends go through when they first moved to their new homes and were having trouble. I had high hopes that it was just that I was restless from going home for Christmas or because of all the angsty potential layoff worries. I think it has sunk in that it's more than that. It's that I don't have the friendships I've previously had. When I call people, I never call people in Midland because I no longer feel like I have friends that I can call on a dime here...I'm sure I could, but I haven't. The Jeff situation has been getting to me more in the last couple of days because it has finally sunk in that I've lost my friend. I think maybe I was being very selfish, because he was my best friend here, and I didn't want to give him up so that he could work through his feelings. But now I feel like he so easily pushed me out of his life and replaced me with others; that I never meant more to him than someone who made him feel needed, and since I stopped filling that need and he now has that in other people, I am no longer needed. That's not completely true. He called me when he needed help and couldn't get ahold of anyone else last week. And then he promptly stopped talking to me again. Maybe I shouldn't be upset because this has taken the drama out of my life, but it's hard to have your closest friend walk out of your life so swiftly without even looking back.
I know what I need to do. I've been praying, I've been going to God every time it hurts and I wonder if I'm being attacked. But I think I need to step outside of my zone and start searching for new things. I've been thinking so much about moving lately, it is so tempting to just get up and leave, it would make things so much easier. However, I know that won't be happening in the near future at least, and I can't just leave myself in a downward spiral for months on end. I need to find new things to do, I need to meet new people. Which is hard for me to even think about because it'd be so much easier to just keep floating along...it's not like I haven't kept busy, my schedule has actually been packed. But in an unsatisfying way. So do I keep fighting with my mind, which on one hand tells me I'm busy, I have friends, I don't need to put myself in uncomfortable situations where I know no one just to make a point to myself, but the other hand is screaming at me... I need something new, I need some change. Well, the first hand hasn't done me much good lately, so I'm thinking it's time for the second hand to do more of the slapping... and start looking.
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