Darkness with no Light

Darkness is present when there is an absence of light. If you are in darkness proclaiming to be bringing the light, something isn't right.

Detroit, MI has more churches per capita than any other U.S. city. And yet it is one of the darkest cities in the country. Something isn't right.

~paraphrased from Harvey Carey's speech at the Leadership Summit this year (from the 15 minutes that I actually attended haha)

Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory, Glory!

Summer is already wrapping up, the days are cooling down, and somehow August has snuck up on me. I'm not quite sure how this happened or where the time went, but I don't feel like I've gotten to enjoy my summer nearly as much as summers past. I had plenty going on, which may have been part of what made it fly by. Whatever the reason, I'd prefer God rewind just a little bit and bring some more warm weather.



So I'm all done with weddings for now. Don't see any in the near future, though my sister got engaged a couple of weeks ago. I'm concerned about that; she's only been dating the guy since February, and he has already cheated on her. My brother was telling me that she doesn't treat him the best either, and that they go back and forth a lot and tend to bring out the immaturity in each other. My family isn't a fan of him, though they'll support her through whatever decision she makes. One good thing in it is that when she said yes, she gave him the condition that the date had to be at least a year out so that they could take real premarital counseling (not just the weekend type) so that they could work through some of the issues they have before entering into a marital relationship. I'm proud of her for at least having some head on her shoulder through this, because I know she gets caught up into things and carried away often. All I can do is pray for her and her decisions. Speaking of which, I suddenly feel like I don't pray for my family enough. I pray for them just in the sense that they're my family and I love them, but none of them are Christians, and I feel like I should be praying constantly for them to actually find God. I think about it a lot, but I don't think I lift it up to God as much as I should be. Something I would like to work on.

I also had the opportunity to go on the Xtreeme camping trip this past weekend. Xtreeme is the high school youth group at our church, and I'm going to be one of the leaders this year! I'm very excited, as I'm sure anyone around me lately could tell you since I keep talking about it. The camping trip was amazing. First of all, let me prefice by saying that I didn't plan on going on this trip...when I first heard about it in June when I had openly expressed my interest in helping out with Xtreeme this coming year, I really wanted to go because I love camping, but it required taking two days off of work, and I had no idea what my schedule would be looking like since I was told I'd be starting shiftwork sometime in August (turns out it'll be Aug 31st). I was also unable to make it to the planning meeting the week before the trip because I was gone for a wedding. So I chalked it up as I wasn't supposed to be going and let it go. But then Pastor Jeff text messaged me Tuesday or Wednesday last week asking me if I'd be interested in going with them. I knew I really wanted to, and I knew I had the vacation time, so I juggled meetings and got them moved around, cleared my schedule, and told him I'd go! I then started preparing myself to be patient because I know P.J. isn't a huge planner; he would much rather wing it, come what may then set a schedule for something. This is a huge clash for a person like me who likes planning things out and ensuring there is a time and place for everything. I didn't know where we were even going until we were on the road and I asked him. He had some tentative plans for the weekend, but figured we'd just make it up as we go. Luckily he had one of the moms pack all of the food, so that was planned out at the very least, but otherwise, we just winged the weekend. It was an open opportunity to practice patience and not let my nature get the best of me. It also made for a very relaxing weekend, making it feel like a nice mini vacation, which was nice after having the stress of all of the weddings plus work non-stop for the previous month.

Anyway, like I said, the trip was amazing. That group of kids are exceptional, it was so much fun to get to know them. I'm happy that I had the opportunity to get to know them and connect before Xtreeme actually starts and activities are non-stop, it was nice to have the weekend to sit around on the beach or around the campfire and chat with each of them at some point in the four days. It was also so cool to me to see how real most of their faiths are. They were really on fire about living out Jesus's example and telling their friends about him and keeping each other accountable. And the fact that it was such a wide mix of students, you had all the normal high school genres... cheerleader, nerd, geeks, jocks, hard rockers, and freshman through seniors were all represented. And they all got along; not just making it through the weekend without drama by avoiding each other, but everyone actually talked and hung out and got along with each other. I realize it may be different at school, but I was impressed to see that they didn't let those things come between them in any way on this trip. The coolest conversation I was a part of during the weekend was Monday night when one of the girls was texting a guy she has a crush on who is not Christian. She was trying to figure out how she is supposed to handle a situation like that, and 3 guys rallied around her and were coaching her through why it's important to be with Christians (one guy started rattling off all sorts of verses about being unequally yoked for her!), and how she could bring up the conversation with the guy. She ended up bringing it up somewhat over texts, so they were coaching her about what to say, what his responses meant according to the male mind, and just generally encouraging her about the whole situation while really working on keeping her accountable. I was very impressed with them, and I'm really excited to work with them this year and keep pushing them to stay on that path.

Ok, I'm done going on and on now. At least you've avoided my rant in person (unless you haven't, then you got to hear it twice haha!) I'll just leave you with Xtreeme's verse (X-Tree-Me...Jesus died on a tree for me!)

"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." -1 Peter 2:24

Zzz

I'm dying of lack of sleep currently. I got back Sunday night from my friend Sarah's wedding in California... I headed out there Tuesday, and we spent the entire week running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to finish last minute details and get everything organized. It was exhausting, especially considering we weren't getting to bed until around 11pm each night, which is 2am Eastern time, my time. I'm usually in bed by 10pm! Of course, we still got up at 6am each morning. Everything went swimmingly though, it was a beautiful wedding, and it's the coolest thing to see such a Godly relationship where everything they do is centered around discerning God's will for their lives and relationship.

Christina had an interview for a job opportunity up here Monday, so she ended up flying in at the exact time I did Sunday night. The girl doesn't sleep either, which meant I didn't get to fall asleep until around midnight, still to get up at 6am (now Eastern time!) for work. I ended up leaving work early to take a nap before she finished her interviews because I was so dead on my feet... I conked out for 3 hours until she called me. We then got some GTPC, watched some Bachelorette, and got to bed around 11pm, only to get up at 4am to get her to the airport to take the shuttle back to Texas. Someday, I'll actually sleep again. Until that day, I will be a walking zombie.

I'm finishing reading The Shack currently. I found the book very interesting with some intriguing topics. In it, a father loses his young daughter to a child predator, and years later God calls on the man to build a relationship once more after turning his back on God after the tragedy. The man actually spends a weekend with the Trinity, 3 distinct personas in one, and is engaged in conversations. The author showed God as a big booming black lady that the guy called "Papa"... the pure reason behind this was to help the guy get over his view that God is an old man with a white beard, like Gandolf, and to help him understand that God transcends gender and is beyond what we comprehend him to be. I found that very thought-provoking, though I know it has been blasted by some. I'm about 20 pages from the end, and I've enjoyed the book, though I really feel like there are quite a few things I don't agree with too and can see why pastors have recommended not reading it. God describes himself (or herself?) as submitted to the human race, and that He makes no judgment on humans at all, and he says authority is something humans have a need for, and that in truth He has no authority besides what humans decide to perceive He has. Although I enjoyed it, I don't think I'd recommend it and could see it being misleading. The real Book is better anyway.

More coffee is needed this early in the morning.

Note to self...Don't go trail biking within a week of my wedding.

Since I'm sitting in the Atlanta airport with nothing better to do for the next couple of hours, it seems like the best time to be blogging. I have gotten through the first of 6 weddings I have been invited to that are occurring in about a one month period. Apparently they all had the same good idea of when they wanted to get married. Unfortunately, I'm only able to actually attend 4 of them, but that includes this one in Atlanta and my best friend Sarah's in L.A., of which I am the maid of honor. Basically, that comes down to meaning I am spending A LOT of money on other people this summer. A lot. Which means I'm not spending money on any vacation this year... which means I have lots of vacation time to use without spending money. Oh the woes of life!

I've been working hard at trying to be more active lately. I got new running shoes and nice moisture-removing socks so that I could start running again without getting massive blisters...but I have yet to do that. However, I am on a softball team, I play tennis most weeks, volleyball on Sundays... and I've convinced Jen that we need to start bike riding, which I'm excited about. We started this week, going to do some trail biking out in City Forest since we had hiked through there and saw some amazing biking trails. Yeah... that turned out to be more of a nightmare than we expected. It was a lot of fun, but it was definitely not a beginners trail... which meant that Jen flew over her bike once, rode into the forest at another point, and I ran into several trees. We left bruised up, and my legs had scratches up and down them....not a big deal until you have to wear skirts for the next couple of days for wedding events. I'll just have to remember to avoid things like that before my own wedding someday!

In other news, I have ADD and can't focus on blogging right now. I'm listening to the news as they discuss everything going on in Iran, and everytime they say where their sources are coming from, it is from Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. Ironic that these websites set up basically for social aspects are now the source of breaking world news. Congress also apparently has already written up a proposal for taking over healthcare and making it government-run and is trying to fasttrack it through the House and Senate. I must say, it is a little scary how quickly the Obama administration has changed things in the 5 months they've been in power. At this rate, we'll be a socialist country within a year. Maybe not, but it is a little ridiculous that they decided to step into the free market and instead of letting companies that needed to go bankrupt and reorganize to be able to, they took them over, and are now pushing extremely hard on the healthcare issue. I have quite a few opinions on a bunch of these issues...however, my phone just reminded me that at some point I have a plane to catch, so I will avoid a soap box and instead get ready to leave Southern accents behind. Especially since a group of 10 men decided they're going to have a team meeting right where I am sitting and are circling seats around me. A bit awkward to say the least.

I want my sister back.

My sister is doing another one of her winding dives. She just informed me that her boyfriend gave her a phone so that she can text and everything (her current phone is on my mom's plan, which is FREE for her, but my mom refuses to pay for her texting). This generous gesture of her boyfriends means she now has a phone that will be signed up for a plan under HER name where she gets unlimited everything for the low price of $50 a month! Um, how is that comparable to free? Apparently it's worth it to her to not be under my mom's 'harsh' rules. This is after I just found out a month ago that while she was in her year-and-a-half of no talking to family, disappearing in another town, working in a gas station and living on a friends floor, her then boyfriend did the same thing; oh-so-generously got her a phone and gave her her very own phone plan, which she quickly defaulted on and ended up owing hundreds of dollars that my dad just had to recently pay. Back down the rabbit hole.

My dad doesn't know how to handle it anymore, they keep fighting and she demands that he should be treating her as an equal and that it is her house too, yet she refuses to get a job and begin to pay back the couple thousand dollars she owes him, and she has already trashed the brand new car that my dad bought and let her start borrowing 3 months ago. In one argument, she told him she can't handle all of this and that she's still depressed and could commit suicide at any time. Although it's obvious it's just her trying to get under his skin and scare him enough to leave her alone, we're all still terrified that she's going to end up disappearing again and/or that she'll pull another suicide attempt for attention and accidently pull it off.

My dad is planning on telling Amber tonight that she has three weeks to get her act together and get another job for the summer or she has to move out of his house. He's calling my mom to talk about it and discuss options. He figures she can move in with my mom and give my mom the chance to work with her; I'm just worried she's going to decide she'll just move in with her boyfriend or something. From what Colin and her friends have been saying, this guy is controlling, has cheated on her and lied to her, and refuses to hang out with her friends, it always has to be him and her, and is just overall not the kind of guy she should be with. But she's swooning and head-over-heels. I'm afraid she's going down the road to getting married to a not-good guy because she doesn't want to be alone and hasn't seemed to care who that means she is with, which again would mean she'd disappear. Basically, my family and I are just scared for my little sister and her decisions currently, all I want to do is protect her and instead it feels like she's pushing further away again.

Please pray.

Tear me down because you need me to be broken, breathless for you

I'm currently wondering where my will and self-control are. I don't think I'm very strong or disciplined when it comes to temptation. Take today for instance. The first Tuesday of every month is when our church fasts together. I had the choice to do it. And I chose food. I had training today, and since Dow's cost-cutting now means they refuse to feed us, a group of us went to Big Apple Bagel. It was so yummy... in an unsatisfyingly satisfying way. It's like I have no discipline. I told myself I'd just skip dinner and breakfast and not eat until lunch tomorrow. Except then I ate dinner, telling myself I'd skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow. At this point, even if I do, I think I've defeated the purpose.

I think I need to take the time to really meditate on the purpose of fasting, and my purpose in it, rather than just doing it because the church does it. I have actually chosen in the past not to do it with the church because I have heard of times when not even the staff remembered to do it, and I felt like it was just a check-the-box activity that lacked a truly spiritual purpose. However, I also feel like our church is in trouble and needs serious prayer, and I want to fast with the focus of lifting it up to God. I want it to be purposeful to bring me closer to God, closer to the model shown to us through scripture.

Isaiah: “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"

I'm going to pray about this more, take it to God... and work on my poor discipline when it comes to food (and maybe other things too).

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."-2Tim 1:7

Alberto

Alberto. The poor guy with a forbidden crush and a doomed stalker name. He will live in infamy in our circle forever... so Shannon, Jen, and I had dinner together last night so that I could try to make up for ditching out on them Friday after inviting them to have dinner with me...and then an hour later telling them nevermind, I'm flying to Minneapolis. Woops. After dinner though, we discussed boys, the lack of boys, and how we could help Shannon meet Pete Peterson. Which inevitably led to Jen and I albertoing him on the internet. It's crazy the things you can find on google nowadays... after some rather creepy sleuthing, we found his home church and his dad, who is the pastor (and does a surprising number of funerals!). We also found out he has an Aunt Una, only because we found his grandpa's obituary (who died in 2002) and it had a listing of surviving relatives. So really, we found nothing useful and basically just walked away being creepier than we were before. So is life.

Being in Shannon's house made me want to buy that house all over again. She has done a beautiful job decorating it, it looks amazing now.... and although I know I am the worst decorator and cannot visualize those things, I want a canvas that I can play with too rather than the lame apartment that I can't do anything with. (I say lame, but I must say that free heat in subzero winters is definitely not lame. That's the only part of that I take back.) I need to pray more about it.

On another note, news is really depressing. I check it regularly now, and it's either someone died/was killed, someone got mauled by a white tiger, someone is hated by everyone because they're different, controversy death controversy. It's very tiring.

I also just read that a zoo in New Zealand that houses endangered animals is getting in trouble for having crowded and unsanitary conditions for the animals, so their solution is to put down 40 large cats. Yes, we'll save the endangered animals, but only until it becomes an inconvenience for us and would require us to spend more money to change something. Then we'll just put them down....