Chasing the Wrong Thing

I love and hate when you come to realizations that are obvious, that you preach to others, and yet something has to hit you over the head pretty hard or you have to make mistakes yourself to see it. I hate making mistakes, I hate knowing that I'm weak and can't do things on my own. But I do love the lessons that God gives me in them, and how He teaches me that I am strong in Him, never in myself. I only hope that as I grow, I learn fewer of my lessons through mistakes made by my own stubborn will.

Having said that, I've been letting myself get distracted from God as of late. I realized this when I was studying recently and realized that I haven't sat down to do that in a while. I know why. I've let myself be sweettalked into distraction, and even if it wasn't completely conscious, I didn't even fight it. I lost my focus and let my guard down. Stupid stupid. I had such a desire to help at a time when someone else is making the worst decisions and has completely lost their own focus, that I allowed myself to be distracted too. And I got hurt by it, by the lies and the truth, because I had expected more from someone who is just as fallen as I am. I realize I'm being very cryptic, but there are personal details that are not my own that I can't disclose, stories that I'm not a part of, only know about. I can't say that I'm over this bump, but I'm being concious about this. I prayed last night before going out. I kept verses in my head so that my focus stayed with God through the night. And it worked; I was so much stronger, I didn't struggle or fall for words that had previously gotten to me. I need to work harder on this, I need to give God control and let Him lead me rather than be led away. And I know I'll struggle with it, I know I'm having trouble being weak and letting myself be sweet talked with words that mean nothing. But knowing is half the battle, right? Now I just need to keep all focus in God, knowing that He has better days and better plans for me than what I can make for myself.

"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -1 Cor 10:12-13